Keep dancing

Happy New Year 2007

Here's hoping it's a good one...

I haven't a clue where life is taking us with the new year, but I'm going to try this month to gather my strength to be ready for whatever it may be. I've got tons of things I'd like to turn into New Year's resolutions:

• Clean the basement,
• Keep the house clean,
• Get our finances in order,
• Clean and organize my office,
• Start a publication about sustainability,
• Start selling my photographs as portraits or cards,
• Have a real garden which can feed my family,
• Be prepared for world disasters,
• Stay calm,
• Exercise regularly,
• Get a maid and/or a part-time nanny,
• Visit my brother in Brooklyn,
• Have a happy, "normal" family life...

But in the interest of my sanity and the last bullet point above, I'm going to refrain from too many resolutions, except to do whatever it takes to make our kids and our family strong this year, laying a foundation for all that comes after. Even though some days you just want to quit, you gotta keep dancing (for everyone you love) until you get it just right. As someone once said, the show must go on. And so... Happy New Year to you. Please share any great resolutions you want to here... I'd love to know what other folks are resolving to accomplish in this 2007th year!

Rocky returns

For all of you who are waiting on pins and needles.... Christmas morning was a big success. Santa did well. The morning was filled with lots of "Oh Man!," "Dude!," "Did Santa bring that for me?," and arms thrust directly into the air with such fervor that I could just hear the "Rocky" theme cueing up in the background.

Unfortunately it has also been a bit of a tough week with some raging incidents and emotions around the house are running high (when it isn't calm and playful and loving all 'round)... so I wanted to share a Mama/Son moment from earlier in the week (before Christmas):

Mama is in the bathroom spending a last few minutes of getting ready for work before attempting to get the kids in the car for the trip to meet Dad. Boy comes round the corner and points the dreaded finger gun at Mama. Mama feels and no doubt looks immediately exasperated but before she can muster a "can we not do that right now," boys says with feeling, "But Mom - it's a TICKLE gun!"

It was a sweet moment and a solid reminder that sometimes a toy is just a toy and sometimes even things that can make us adults uncomfortable, can be an excellent way for our children to connect - with us!

Happy Christmas Wrapup 2006! More soon...

Good morning

And so it appears the Christmas connundrum concensus would be.... drum roll please... let Santa bring the boy a pop gun. I must confess that oddly that was my gut... I too want to keep the magic (what there is in the world) alive. The same reason I HAD to get my daughter a little jewelry box with a ballerina in it -- you would too if you'd seen those eyes, that excitement!

So now I've got THE pop-gun... it is just a few more days of work and preparation while waiting to see if the boy is thrilled beyond belief or says something like "oh that's not what I thought it was gonna be." Wouldn't that just be the way.

And speaking of work... I'm finding that one of my favorite times of the week is the time between leaving my house at 7:15 am and arriving at my office around 8 or 8:15 am. Armed with my latest knitting project (only to be done while waiting at red traffic lights), I find myself caught up in scanning the radio dial for a beloved song (whether old or new). You'd be surprised (or maybe not) at just how many times you must circle the dial before finding anything worth listening to, let along a favored tune!

This morning's play list included:

"New Attitude" by Patti Labelle
"How to Save a Life" by The Fray
"I Only Want to Be With You" by Hootie & the Blowfish (used to love them)
"One of These Nights" by The Eagles
"My Love is Leaving" by Michael McDonald (was too star struck to talk to him when I ran into him at a vending machine at Warner Brothers records ages ago).
"In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel (I sure hope my son appreciates the greatness of this guy when he finally figures out the connection to his own middle name)!
"Three Marlenas" by The Wallflowers
"Waiting on the World to Change" by John Mayer (The more I hear, the more I love this artist)
"Hey Ya" by Outkast (How can you NOT love this song. It's just so dang funky and peppy. I was thinking that if I'm ever stranded without coffee, this song just might do the trick).

Christmas connundrum

O.K. don't tell (since my kids still believe in Santa Claus), but I've got a real Christmas connundrum.

I feel like I'm in the midst of a story that could become a holiday classic much like "The Christmas Story" -- our version involves a much-desired pop-gun. "Like Christopher Robin has..." inform the smiling cherubic faces of my children looking up at me. At least they are far less likely to shoot an eye out since the cord only goes about an inch or so... but who knows, my kids are pretty talented.

On the one hand, how can you fault them for wanting something out of the wonderful world of Winnie-the-Pooh (although I must say it does bother me that Kanga is the only girl in that entire 100-acre wood and what's up with that... but that is for another post). Please note my son's adorable letter to Santa below:
Do we:

A) Get the kid a pop-gun to maintain Santa's mystical reputation as the magical giver of that one thing you most wish for...

OR

B) Write a letter back from Santa letting the boy know that either his pop-gun is on back order or that although he was asking for a pop-gun, Santa knew in his magical way that in fact a something else (fill in the blank) is what he really wants. I'm not big on this one since it completely negates his feelings and desires. We all get to want things. We just don't get everything we want.

A therapist I know thought we should simply say that Santa knows we don't allow violent toys. That sounds easy enough but it also sounds like a set up for our kid to be deeply unhappy with us (which goes with the territory I know but I'm not looking for a battle - thus no guns!).

Things get even more complicated by the fact that we've been somewhat rethinking our "violent" play theories... opting for a less stringent, more empathic loving and silly approach (see "Bang, Bang you're dead!" in the recent issue of mothering magazine).

What do you think? I'd put in a poll, but haven't been able to figure out how to do it yet so please add your comment below...

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And by the way, my daughter wants a dog "like Snoopy" as a Christmas present for our dog (a white lab) so that she'll have someone to play with when we aren't home! Great!

Lost & found

I enjoy the sign posted on a locker at my son's school. This particular locker is usually stuffed almost to overflowing with myriad hats, jackets, scarves, mittens and more ... no doubt left behind on the playground, in the cafeteria or under a desk somewhere. Rather than the more traditional moniker for such a place however, it is named the "Lost and NOT found." Makes a lot more sense if you think about it. Most people wouldn't search out and find their beloved goodie, only to turn around and leave it behind - again. I suppose if anybody would though, it would be a kid.

Regardless, for those who may have been worried by my last post - know this: I haven't actually lost ALL of my sense of humor, just the part I need to keep with me when dealing with my kidlets. It's as if it runs and hides when I need it most. "Come out, come out, you darn sense of humor." I suppose the next time I feel like blowing a gasket, I should just start playing my own solitary version of hide and seek... Can't you just see it now?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10... here I come! as I head to any other room in the house and start peeping behind doors and under cushions. It's just silly enough that it's bound to distract me, distract the kids (who'll be wondering what the heck their Mama is up to), and probably surface a good giggle or two while diffusing the moment (adding a little diaphramatic breathing at this point is apparently also a good idea).

And by the way, sometimes just airing our issues can bring a bit of closure. While "Horrible Harry" and his friend "It's the Bear!" are still the best hiders I've ever known, I did manage to find "Minnie and Moo - Night of the Living Bed" (an intriguing little read) as well as my sapphire earrings AND my favorite reading glasses (all in frantic pursuit of those d*mn books!)

Who knows, maybe if I look long and hard enough, I'll find a million dollars or a goldmine, the next big thing or the fountain of youth. Or maybe I'll just manage to clean my house!

Lost it

O.K. so it's not what you might think. I've just realized that somewhere along the way, I lost my sense of humor.

It must have been between giving birth and today.

I see glimpses of it, but frankly not often enough, and not for enough time to keep a hold on it. Wherever my sense of humor has gone, it is inevitably hanging out with some dusty old socks who are missing their partners, "Horrible Harry Goes to the Moon" (and he may have at some point shortly after entering our house) and the book the main library was silly enough to lend us called, "It's The Bear."

Maybe if we ever locate all the above, we'll find them hanging out with my pre-Mama mid-section, my wedding gift sapphire earrings and my sanity!

If you see any of these items, could you give me a shout?

Grinch again

Can anyone else believe it is the 40th anniversary of the "Grinch Who Stole Christmas"? Pretty much means I've been watching it my entire life... since I was the age of Ms. Cindy Lou Who...!

For goodness sakes... And now my own little Cindy Lou Who is the same age I was when the Grinch got its broadcast start! ... Anyone else feeling old (in a good grinchy kinda way that is)?

Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze!
Welcome Christmas,
Come this way!

Back to life

And so it has amazingly been another whole week since last I posted. I've been busy with holiday activities and regular life activities (which do tend to continue despite the holidays) and frankly saddened by the story of the Kim family that played out here in Oregon.

I have noticed that the beautiful snowy scenery of the NW that usually makes me feel so festive and happy for the holidays, is currently bringing up a twinge of sadness for it reminds me of the environment that turned tragic for one family and took two little girls father's life.

Now you may ask if I know these folks. Nope I sure don't. I just happen (it turns out) to know folks who do, but frankly I don't know them all that well either. The story no doubt hits home because it did play out here in Oregon and what I know is this.... as a parent, I found this story to be profoundly sad, touching and scary.

My true connection to this story and this family is experiencing it as a parent and a parent of small children. On hearing of the death of James Kim, I immediately worried about the mother having to grieve the loss of her husband but somehow continue on to raise her two beautiful girls. I instantly thought of those girls growing up without their father and the youngest being too young to remember her Papa all on her own.

While I can in no way speak for all parents, nor all Mamas, I believe one of the strongest emotional bonds that we all experience is the fear that for some reason our children might have to grow up without us. I hate to see any young child grow up without one or more of their parents. I myself have decided I have to figure out how to hang on until my youngest is at least 30, so that means 26 more years at a minimum. Of course it isn't up to me ... and that is where our worries can all connect.

But despite this tragedy and our parental worries, the Kim family must move foward with their lives and find a new way. We each must find a way to get back to life -- find a way to make our days truly meaningful.

In that spirit I focus back on the holidays at hand. I will re-double my efforts to be a better parent to my children and to provide them with the things they need to grow up strong and capable and happy.

And so, we've decked our halls,

put up the tree,

added the ornaments,

and added a new holiday tradition which the kids loved

of making our own gifts for family and friends

(pssst... don't tell) and

Today we'll donate a coat or two to some kids in need, attend a party for hospitalized children, do a shift at our local food bank and make every effort to coordinate a giving campaign this week to give necessities to homeless folks through a church near my son's school.

We may not be able to (despite our best and sometimes heroic efforts) live forever, but we can fill our days and those of our children with happiness, caring, love and gratitude for all we are lucky enough to have. Hugs your kids for me - will ya?

Sometimes things aren't what they seem

Overall what should have been a great weekend turned out to be not so good, but I did get a couple of decent photos .... (I'd say not even those are great)... and so a new week will begin.

Few of my favorite things

Given that December is one of my favorite months and Christmas one of my favorite holidays, there's a lot of things I love this time of year. Here are just a few:

My iced americano coffee even when it's cold out,

Getting close to the end of a beloved knitting project
(this one a vest for my son),

And one weekend a year (at my hubbie's office holiday party) getting to stay overnight at a hotel for free while trusted loved ones take care of the kidlets elsewhere, going to a grown-up party and having an excuse to dress like a big girl (not a mama and not an office worker)!

Happy 1st weekend in December! Be back next week!