The best things in life

are definitely free. Today I count as bestest things the following:

• No girlie tantrums, not even me :-),
• Driving the big black benz filled up with .99 biofuel and the sunroof open,
• Hearing my kids cracking each other up,
• Watching the kids chase light reflected on the wall by CDs,
• Seeing that the slugs haven't eaten my newest garden plantings,
• Finally exercising to a video I can do,
• Getting flowers from the hubby and the girl,
• A glass of wine in a quiet house with everyone else reading bedtime stories upstairs,
• Knowing that someone is investigating Karl Rove for something,
• and the boy saying that TURN OFF THE TV week was SOOOOO fun that we should do it again next week!

Looking forward to a weekend filled with:

• Someone elses 7-year old birthday party,
• T-ball in the sunshine,
• Time in the garden and hopefully someday painting my bedroom!

Happy weekend - what are you happy for right now?

Too tired Thursday

I have been meaning to write something clever about how not just one, but both of my children, want me to keep my belly fat (glad to know they love all of me),

but I'm too tired...

I've been meaning to write about my thoughts on the connection between the national American response to both 9/11 and the tragedy at Virginia Tech,

but I'm too tired...

I could write about my day, including the three girlie tantrums, chasing her down the block in her pajamas (thank goodness I was dressed), saving drowning beetles and bringing home the one who didn't make it,

but I'm just too dang tired.

Maybe tomorrow.

So what is making you tired (or) energizing you today?

What'cha thinking about Wednesday?

This last Wednesday in April, I'm thinking about:

• a new baby niece (Welcome to the world girlie #3),
• the sunshine outside and wanting to get into the garden,
• being parent helper at preschool,
• lack of ocular migraines (thanks to Norma, hubby and multi-vitamins),
• my daughter doing my makeup (as we speak... no you can't see a photo),
• what to put in my girl's lunch,
• flowers to send to school with the boy,
• how to rid my life of munching slugs and caterpillars,
• the parallels between our national response to 9/11 and the Virginia Tech tragedy,
• potty training and kid bedroom mural painting,
• where to find biodiesel for our new used car and what to wear.

These are the regular daily random thoughts of a Mama in this day and age. What are you thinking about today?

Day #2

It is Day #2 of Turn of the TV Week. So far so good. This is the first year we've managed to make a REAL effort. Last year I think the young boy (a kindergartner then) was home in pain with his newly broken elbow and since he was supposed to rest but unable to read yet, we let him watch PBS and/or videos at least some of the time.

So this year we literally locked up the armoire (in which we keep our TV)! Of course quickly thereafter the hubby had to unlock it and place the lock back on the bathroom cabinet so the girl wouldn't attempt to take more than her allotted number of daily vitamins (yes, she is our reckless climbing speed racer girl who gets into things her brother would never dream of - thanks for asking).

The kids and I have had several conversations about things we can do in lieu of watching television... baking bread (I think we might try bran muffins later in the week), riding bikes, game nights (we've already had one), and cooking dinner together.

While the kids didn't help much making dinner tonight, we did take a walk to deliver their play date mate back home (about 14 blocks roundtrip). And I'm even a bit proud of myself because my girl asked at least two times today (maybe more) for watching, and I managed to hold strong and say "No." And no huge tantrum either (can't quite remember how it worked, but I'm glad it did).

And now frankly I'm tired and so are the kids. We need to brush teeth, take vitamins, read books and head to bed (at least them and maybe me too). The funny thing about Turn off the TV week is that we really don't watch that much if we think about it. However, when you have to "think about it", and plan not to do it (watch TV that is), well it just seems hard -- even if it really isn't. Of course a really nice sunny day didn't hurt our efforts either! Maybe tomorrow we'll wash the cars!

All I want

to do today with all this sun and warmth... is to be in my garden.

I think this scrub jay feels the same way.... and so does the cat.

Lowering expectations

Today I'm trying to start lowering my expectations. Mind you, I'm no perfectionist. Certainly when it comes to the tidiness of my home or any number of other outward things someone could see, folks would argue lack of perfectionism in me. However, I have struggled inwardly for some time with some mild form of perfectionism related to my role in things. It isn't so much that I actually attempt to be perfect but rather that I beat myself up pretty mercilessly on the inside when I don't live up to certain unspoken expectations I may have for myself.

So today, after beginning to reread "Siblings Without Rivalry" by Faber & Mazlish, I am trying to lower my expectations around how my children behave with one another. I am trying to notice that other children do in fact get into it with their siblings, sometimes even shove, hit or otherwise mistreat them on occasion. I am also trying to realize this is for the most part normal and that my children need to have these feelings validated before being shut down. I'm trying to remain calm even when I see one of my children whack the other (although this is not an easy one for me). The more calm I can be in my explanation of how they must be feeling and how that is most likely justified but hurting in response is not... the better we'll all do.

Lowering of expectations was also reiterated for me in this week's Mommy Lessons from Kelly Nault whose tips this week include:

*** Tip #1. Have the courage to be imperfect!

*** Tip #2. Use a "daring do over"!

*** Tip #3. Let go of having to do it all!

You can find more from Kelly here. So let go of the guilt and those high-fa-lutin' expectations (if you've got 'em) and join me on a lower (and hopefully happier) rung of the mama ladder! And if you have ever been or are regularly able to remain calm when dealing with your children's squabbles or individually challenging behavior, please share. I'm sure all us Mamas (or future Mamas, Papas, Babysitter, Aunts and Uncles too) could use a few more stealthy tricks for our personal use.

Breakfast of champions

Otherwise known as leftover oatmeal from the kids' breakfast... perfect for a Mama on the run! What was on your breakfast table this morning (I could use some new ideas :-)

Love, hate and other emotions

Loved it!

Hated it (too boring)!

Feeling inadequate, and of course saddeded by what happened in Virginia earlier today ... hopefully back sometime soon.

The 3 T's

This weekend, forget about the 3 R's (being reading, w/riting and a/rithmatic)... at our household they're Tulips, T-ball and Tap Dancing! Wish us luck!

Young love

O.K. who can remember back to their first real crush? I honestly can't. I can remember the first person I kissed romantically (I think) and the first person I slept with but I only have a vague remembrance of a boy bringing me a reindeer pin for my birthday party I think when I was in kindergarten (I went to several different schools that year so I'm a little vague). Whether or not I actually had a crush on him is out there somewhere in the memory ether which I can't quite get back.

Regardless... for some reason I was shocked to discover recently that my baby boy appeared to have his first crush (I hope he won't be mad at me someday for writing some of this down... I hope he might be thankful to have a record of it somewhere but time will tell). Now his best friend for over a year is a girl and he's talked in the past about marrying her (but then again he's also talked of marrying me and his sister too). However, when I heard him talking about this girl (a 2nd grader mind you), my mother's intuition told me it was different. Also when he asked me to come to school and then dissed me at lunch to sit with her, I kinda figured it out.

Interestingly I've gone through a gamut of emotions if truth be told. At first I was worried that these girls (the girl in question and her friends who were having my boy chase them and kiss them too) were just using him and would throw him away sooner than soon. Then when the poor girl was nervous around me, I felt dislike... flash forward to what happens if I feel my son is being taken away from me by some woman I don't approve of... hmmm.

Then I realized this is a 7-year old girl. Just like me when I was her age, she may well be shy (and not disdainful as my own baggage might point to). I also confess that my heart has melted on several occasions around the Mama/son dialogues we've been having:

1. Upon telling the boy about my many crushes earlier in life, he responds with an emphatic "BEFORE DAD?????!!!!!!! NO WAY!" Oops for a split second I had forgotten that I'd come out of the womb, had a few birthdays and then fell hopelessly in love with the man I would marry (who I wouldn't actually meet for way too many years to count!),



2. When I say to my baby boy, "Well make sure she treats you right." He counters, "Well ... she always has." Yup for that entire week! In 1st/2nd grade time, that's an eternity.



3. When I find out from another parent randomly that my boy's crush is in fact mutual! There's a little girl out there with a crush on my boy - I can't spell it but I'm faklempt.



4. And when my hubbie calls me at work to share a recent boy/dad conversation, including that said boy (who I sometimes worry isn't empathetic enough) wanted to cheer up his crush and told her he'd save up his money to buy her some candy (which apparently cheered her right up and she chipped in a $1.00 toward the cause).

Oh my gosh - I love my boy. And how cute is all this crush stuff? WAY CUTE that's what. Working on setting up a play date soon :-)

You've got to be kidding me!

From the Jurors Frequently Asked Questions for my County (I'm on jury duty today, so wish me well):

You may bring work or reading material, or a personal electronic device you can listen to with headphones. You may also bring lunch or a snack. A refrigerator, microwave oven and vending machines are available in the jury assembly room. Don’t bring anything to the courthouse that you couldn’t take on an airplane. Pocket knives, “Leatherman” type multi-use tools, scissors, knitting needles and other pointed or sharp items are not allowed in the building.

Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhh! Now how am I going to occupy myself?

Mommy moments

Today I'm taking time for me. Instead of doing the dishes, I'm knitting. Instead of doing the laundry, I'm going to take the dog for a brisk walk. Instead of rushing to make a lunch to be eaten at my daughter's school, I'm going to take us out to lunch (and I'm blogging too).

Why you might ask? Because Mama's need to priorize (at least occasionally) time for themselves to do something rejuvenating.

And while I personally prefer the moniker of Mama to that of Mommy, I've found a fabulous resource called Mommy Moments that is not only easily accessible online but also FREE and just waiting to help you in getting your Mama groove back and moving forward in a positive way. Now I fully admit this course is not designed with Spirited Children in mind, but it is still a great resource which I wanted to pass on for those who might get something good out of it. An email comes to your inbox once every week for 8 weeks to help you be the best Mama you can be.

From the site:

Mommy Moments provide parenting lessons for mom that help:

• Eliminate your mommy-guilt,


• Raise your children to be grateful rather than spoiled,


• Get some much needed self-care,


• Naturally motivate your children to listen to you more,


• Gain respect from your family,


• Inspire your kids to do their chores without nagging,


• Establish fun and easy AM and PM routines,


• Boost your self-esteem and your child's self-esteem 10-fold!

If you give it a try, let me know how it goes for you. If it helps at all, consider passing on to another Mama who might need a little boost. And if you can today, take some time for yourself (whether you are a Mama or not)... do something just for you! If you could do one thing today to rejuvenate yourself (that is reasonable and affordable within your budget), what would you do? Please share (maybe it will help a Mama out there who is too worn out to even think up something to do for herself)!

Just thinking

I was just thinking about the bits of parenting that I love, such as listening to my children in the back seat when they are in their pretend fantasy world... as my daughter "pretend" reads "Magic Tree House" books with her own versions of the story.

"The tree house spun and spun and spun and spun, faster and faster,' said Annie. 'What?' said the Knight. THE TREE HOUSE SPUN AND SPUN AND SPUN AND SPUN, FASTER AND FASTER!" said Annie. "WHAT?" said the Knight who couldn't hear well. He didn't know much of the sign language either. And then they went and ate ice cream and were happy."

(This is not an exact quote but you get the idea).

"Make the sound (said to her brother)!"

"Yee Haw Neiiiigh," (or something along those lines) shouts brother-boy, or is that the little pony?

Then this morning I was thinking about how quickly a spirited child can turn your evening or morning upside down by getting stuck on something they just MUST have or something YOU HAVE TO DO for them..... holding on for dear life and not letting go until they've beaten that dead horse into the ground (a few hundred thousand feet down)!

And here's what I think about that... and this is not directed at anyone at all I swear on a stack of "Magic Tree House" books (and trust me we've got 'em)...

I just think that anyone who does not have one or more of their own spirited children should NEVER EVER look down on a parent who does. Trust me, we work hard, harder than the average bear, every single day we have to decide which issues are worth dealing with and slogging through and which to let go despite our inner guts screaming at us to tow the line, we are continually working to refine our parenting skills in order to keep up with our child and their needs. And trust me the books and videos and websites that provide parenting help, were not designed for spirited children (except for the ones I've previously mentioned).

Folks who have what I call the mythical children (and yes people have told me they have them... fairly quiet, not easily ruffled, likely to go along with suggestions...), don't know from this kind of stuff. If you have a spirited child (or more than one), hang in there. I'm certain you are doing your best and working to do better. Sorry just a much-needed rant. I LOVE my babies -- both of them -- more than the world and we are all working on embracing our spirited selves!

Finally...

... I've managed to update my Etsy shop with 2 individual cards (Garden Collage on the top and Today on the bottom). For those of you who care about these things and/or send things through the good old U.S. mail... check it out!

The sweetest moment

Besides watching "the boy" holding his baby twin girl cousins lovingly and gently, the sweetest moment of this birthday/easter weekend for this Mama was.... having him ask me to come outside and help him plant the flowers the Easter Bunny left for him. This is a boy who doesn't much like touching dirt, but he borrowed his sister's gardening gloves and we dug, added compost, placed, repositioned dirt and patted lovingly in place. And he was very excited. A happy mama moment that! Wishing you many...

Busy bees

It's been a very busy weekend. Too tired to say anything else. Happy Easter!

What's a mama gonna do?

Every morning as I routinely make my coffee (oops I think we are out for tomorrow - arrrrrgh... oh I digress sorry) and then habitually check my e-mail and end up being on the computer until I hear the pitter patter of little feet coming downstairs after a long night's slumber, I think there's probably a wiser more enlightened way to "do" our mornings.

And so I was intrigued and dare I say a little worried at how close to home the following piece of advice came to us... the advice coming from one Mimi Doe, Mimi Doe is the founder of SpiritualParenting.com and the award winning author of, "Nurturing Your Teenager's Soul" and "Busy But Balanced."Mimi's free newsletter, Spiritual Parenting, has over 50,000 subscribers from around the world.Sign up on the website: www.spiritualparenting.com.

Here is some of this month's enlightened advice from Mimi:

How do your typical mornings begin? The launch into our days, when we approach it mindfully, can have a powerful impact. If you would like your morning to vibrate on a more peaceful note, look for how you might shift your routine. If it means making lunches and lying out children’s school clothes the night before, do so. Try getting up 15 minutes earlier than you usually do. Play music and light some candles rather than turning on the bright kitchen lights and flipping on the television news. Encourage your children to eat their breakfast slowly, and to bring themselves gradually into the new day.

It's amazing how, with a little thought, a normally chaotic morning with everyone rushing out the door, can become a calm, soothing experience. Try bringing your awareness to each task tomorrow morning, approaching the activities with a relaxed body, mind, and spirit. Your child will catch your pace and make it her own. She will begin her new day a bit more centered and a lot more relaxed.

And so... another nudge from the universe acknowledged. And while all I want to do tonight is drink my glass of wine, snuggle under a blanket to watch "Grey's Anatomy", wash my hair and hit the hay, what I'll do instead is see how much of the kid's clothes I can set out, prepare breakfast to a point (so the big white mooching labrador retriever doesn't eat it during the night), and think about doing things differently tomorrow. I'll try to get up a wee bit earlier than usual and light some candles, put on some classical music and do some deep breathing, possibly meditation. When the wee ones have gotten up and eaten their breakfasts, I'll pose this question (or something similar): If you could do something to make the world a better place today, what would it be?" I know what my answer will be.

And on a completely seperate note... my mama coping moment of the day kept me from losing my marbles but was decidedly unspiritual. It was incredibly warm and sunny in our area today and the kids were hot and looking for some rainbow sherbet. They got theirs and I got mine (of course mine had the added benefit of a splash of chardonnay)! Sometimes a mama's gotta do what a mama's gotta do!)

Waiting to exhale

O.K. I'm sure there are lots of mamas who can commiserate with this scenario (which I greatly dislike -- trying to get the kids to less frequently say "hate"):

Leave work. Thirty minute drive home including stop by the store to get new tooth brushes (recommended since the hubbie was also diagnosed with Strep Throat this afternoon). Can it be far from my time? Cross your fingers. Also picking up some beverages for the big people who are feeling the need for a little relaxing drink about now. Then home only to find out that the girl is poopy but refuses to be changed until she accompanies me to yet another store to get Pull-Ups... NO she won't wear underwear and NO NO she won't wear brothers Good Nites either - thank you very much. So off to the store we go... We get Pull-Ups (with princesses on them), new tooth brushes for the kids (which the earlier store didn't carry), and popsicles (requested by the big man with the sore throat). Go home (still having not eaten dinner) -- now 2 hours after leaving work -- only to have to deal with changing said poopy girl who is now in pain, disseminate medicine, finally grab a couple of microwaved chicken nuggets and a glass of wine while getting a headache and getting ready for bed after paying the one bill that I had to deal with today. Ahhhhh.... now I can maybe, just maybe mind you, breath.

Inhale, exhale, go to bed and start fresh tomorrow although it is unlikely to be normal given the sick papa and potentially moving-toward-sick mama? Let's hope not.

Formulating a thought

Often as I sit and think about what I might write in this blog space, I realize just how dissparite my mama thoughts are sometimes.

Today I am thankful that for a change that I can actually see and walk across my floors(without much chance of the shooting pain of a Lego to the bottom of my foot).

There are also about a zillion thoughts, as usual, bouncing around in my brain like pin balls setting off lights or falling through cracks into the abyss (the usual suspects are there crowding my cerebellum: carpool options, what to eat/serve, gardening, budgets, pet food, bills and cleaning).

On the other end of the spectrum today, I'm kicking around and deciding upon the best way to host a Pirate Party for the birthday boy and his other 6, 7 and 8 year-old friends.

I think I've got a few good game options but need to figure out the details and pirate goody bags and a cake that the swarthy little ones will greatly enjoy but which won't run my old body into the ground trying to pull off or send me screaming from my own home.

Ahoy mateys (or in the words of my young girl pirate "Ahoy Mary, Ahoy Maybe?!), wish me well.

Mama learning

One of the great things about being a parent is that you are always learning.

Today and yesterday, on my three different trips to the urgent care and pediatrician's office (as well as my hubbie's additional trip), we were lucky enough to get a refresher course in Sinusitis 101 and Ear Infections for Dummies (being me, not my daughter), along with gleaning more information about Advanced Theories in Strep Throat and most impressively, More Than You Ever Wanted to Know about Impetigo!

I've dispensed all the medicines, applied the creams, dished out the appropriate doseage of Children's Advil and we are off to bed! Who needs college with this kind of homework?

And then there were 3

Well... not sure how to put this other than straight out: Against all odds there's gonna be a 3rd baby in our future.... Pardon me while I go freak out for awhile. What are we gonna do? I may have to take a bit of a blog break while my head explodes.

PS - O.k. well it was April Fool's Day and despite my best efforts I only fooled 3 people (at least those who spoke up) for a few minutes. There is a 3rd baby coming our way but it is going to be our 3rd niece and so NO I AM NOT PREGNANT - whew.

Happy April!