Thursday, January 04, 2007

Wanting contact

For as long as I have been aware of the existence of Peter Gabriel as an artist, I think I have loved him. Not so much the person or the persona but rather the incredible music and the talent. That is without a doubt why my son's middle name is Gabriel. And it may well begin to explain why I've been haunted by the song, "I Have the Touch" since I heard it in the car two days ago. I keep hearing "I want contact, I need contact" over and over in my head.

In thinking about this, I've come to realize that I DO want contact but not with Mr. Gabriel himself but rather with someone who can finally help me get a handle on what's going on right now for my son. He regularly complains of tummy aches when confronted with going to school but can devour with zest a full breakfast bar just moments later and he almost always ends up going to school and seemingly enjoying every minute of it while succeeding and progressing well in reading, math and friendships.

I also think that because this is hard and because I'm around THAT age (whatever that is)... that I've been reaching out or seeking out to see what's happened to folks I used to know way back when... "Why?," you might ask and I'll tell you. Well... one thing is definitely the strange tendency for me to hear "I Want You To Want Me," in the car just about every time I get in to go anywhere lately. That song and any other by Cheap Trick immediately brings up that time in my life, along with myriad images of release parties, video shoots, bars, tour buses, concerts, hotel rooms and frankly 3 out of the 4 of them at some point in their scivvies (Cheap Trick that is)! Other than flashbacks of Tom, Robin, Rick and Bun E., to the best of my mind's ability to figure it out... my psyche keeps yearning to go back to an earlier time in my life (to at least the good memories of course).
Living in New York City during my twenties, working in the music business around lots of creative types, musicians and single folks, these were the days when I was relatively care free. I was young, attractive enough to turn a few heads (even a few rocker "boys") and my biggest worry was about getting a date or which bar to hang out at after work. It wasn't really all that simplistic (I did of course have my overthinking brain even then) however... I didn't have the responsibilities, concerns and worries of a mother. And so I keep visiting those silly, exciting, sometimes downright stupid days of innocence and hanging with the famous and near famous, remembering my friends and the memories while making new memories with my beautiful children and family now. I think I'm revisiting while storing up my energies and strengths to move forward in some strange kind of mid-life crisis/New Year cleansing ritual. 2007 should definitely be interesting.


  1. I can identify with this to a great degree. It's nostalgia... which (be careful) I've heard is a form of depression. But I think we need to find a way to keep that part of ourselves (the young, exciting, interesting... and what?) alive. I'd love to hear more about your "younger years." Sounds very exciting -- you are so dang cool. Seriously.

  2. boys-tummy aches-school

    No clue. PJ finally outgrew it. He takes a while to wake up, but he usually jumps out of bed when he finally does (and I do mean jump-he's on the top bunk and won't use the ladder)

    For a while PJ had that tummy ache thing. I talked to my mom at the time and she remembered my brothers (and me) having this. Personally I think the concept of angst producing these morning tummy aches is hogwash. I wonder if it isn't blood-sugar related. After PJ woke up more and ate he was usually ok, too. Just DON'T put him in the car right after for a long drive to say, summer camp. Then you're sure to be cleaning up the car and it ain't gonna be fun.


  3. wanting contact.

    You always had that quality of "wanting contact" with the emphasis on the word 'contact' You made contact with people. you made contact with your presence of mind, with your conscious caring. Thats what made you so authentic in a world full of hungry ghosts which is what the music bussiness was to me- with its air kisses fake smiles, star fuckery and hollow people - and there you were; like a pure diamond among cloudy ones, crystals and pieces of broken glass - when i reached out to you i felt contact was made. When we spoke i heard you listening, your eyes filled with presence of mind and a presence of curiosity. I respected you immensely for what you had achieved in the bussiness and then even more after you came to my house - i was honored by you - i was empowered by your care for my carreer, i was strengthend and encouraged by your love - and by the authenticity of your contact.

    My friend - Do not be fooled into thinking that contact can be made complete in "an other" - Now we make contact with your deepest self wherein lies the most rewarding joy - checkout Eckhart's stuff - -

    by the laws of attraction making this significant contact with your own inherent truth should attract the same to you - remember: as whithin so without etc.
    and all this will surely make it a happy new year...
    happy new year to you and to yours!
    in Her love