Note to self

Branding really matters.

Call tonight's dinner "Fried Sun-Dried Tomato Garlic Polenta with Cheese and Traditional Sweet Basil Pasta Sauce" and they probably won't touch it.

Call it "Cheesy Fried Corn Cakes" and they will!

Surprises

Sometimes our kids surprise us -- and how we react can make a world of difference.

When our little bundles of joy come to us, we can try all we want but likely we have some expectations for who they are going to be, what they are going to like, the way they are going to be in the world. Sometimes we'll be close or even right, but often we will be as surprised and in awe.As parents, there are always good surprises such as our kids not asking for television for the entire summer break pretty much - phenomenal stuff believe me.Sometimes there are not so great surprises ... broken elbows, unexpected rage or seemingly unexplainable anxieties.

But what I love best as a parent are those surprises about who our kids are in the world that bring us along for the ride, for the discovery.
What am I talking about? I am rambling on about things such as my son's incredible love of sports -- I often say if there is a ball involved, my boy will be there and ready to play (although that does leave out hockey)! And that love of sports has actually pulled me in to the point that I, along with our entire family and a close family friend, watched EVERY GAME of the NBA playoffs this year, rooting for the Celtics and reveling in their victory. IT WAS FUN!

And my girl, well she is a wonder in her own right. I've grown used to her coming up with rhymes and songs for just about every occasion and on every possible topic (her stories and dances are quite clever as well). And I often remark that she somehow through osmosis got some "Missourian" in her because her mantra is truly "Show Me!" But even I was surprised when she badgered me to the point where we did indeed together dig up Cinderella Ballerina - extra points if you can remember her!

And what did we find on our scientific exploration - a skull! A little yucky yes but interesting, intriguing and enlightening - yes to that too.

Do you see those teeth? Amazing stuff trying to decipher and explain just what is happening to our beloved friend the squirrel.

Our children will always be parts of us and yet their own people too and it is nice on a muggy warm Summer's evening to revel in just who they are. Happy July - hope it is treating you well.

For the birds

Thanks to my son's end of year school lessons,
we've been noticing birds lately.

These little cuties have been visiting fairly often.
Aren't they cute!

Silence

Sorry to have been so silent of late but sometimes it is just what one needs to do. I don't know about anyone else but there are definitely times in my parenting life when things just get a little "too much" with too many things to be dealing with and my brain is so busy dealing with all the little and big details that I can't process or formulate my thoughts about what is happening.

Needless to say we've been busy with job searching, finishing up the preschool years, dealing with sensory integration issues and other behavioral stresses that may or may not naturally come from all of the above. And may I just say how completely messed up medical insurance/health care really is in this country! Throw out tons of dollars and get very little if any care for your expense... beyond frustrating.

Who knew that on top of being a parent/teacher/chef/maid, etc. we would also have to be detectives ever vigilant trying to piece together all the many symptoms and issues our kids display and decipher in which direction to then go to best support them in their growth and success? The next big reality show should be Parenting CSI (Childhood Scene Investigation). Are the tantrums just the developmental stage but a bit more intense due to Daddy being home all the time and Mommy's schedule being changed around? Is the fear of bugs just a blip on the radar screen, a bigger issue related to sensory process disorder or the onset of a potential obsessive disorder? How long do you wait to seek supports and then in which direction do you go?

I am hopeful that within a few months although we will have lots of changes (the start of kindergarten, moving upstairs to 3rd grade, Dad finally graduating), things will sort out a bit and we'll move forward with a plan toward some sort of success. For those parents, along with myself, in a bit of a current struggly patch, hang in there and keep looking for those clues. A wise internet associate recently sent me a reassuring note and quoted a psychologist who had this to say, "This is a process and it is proceeding. The answers are coming." Amen to that!

When Mother's Day Bites the Dust

Despite all the pretty cards and well wishes, sometimes Mother's Day just bites - big time!

Either no one ever talks about it (cause they hope the bad memory will just go away) or they are afraid they are the only one to have experienced less than happy mama moments on our big day.

I want to open this up for discussion... if you've had a less than stellar Mama's Day, will you share to free the rest of us from the delusion that it is always going to be flowers and happiness? What about when you'd love to take a family hike, but your oldest is JUST TOO AFRAID OF BUGS? Maybe it is just like wanting to have a secret admirer or someone send you a card or those coveted flowers on Valentine's Day when you are single but nothing comes. Maybe we should all expect less or should it be more?

For this Mama this year, so far my day started with sleeping in (that's good), followed by waking up to a whining, screaming, moaning boy who was just too hungry to handle his timeout (for what I don't even know). My husband had made my daily iced coffee (that's good). No other breakfast was to be had (that's bad). Best laid plans had gone off kilter as the kids refused to dress. They had made a few handmade Mama cards (sweet) but one kids gift was still hiding in our van forgotten and the other had been left at school -- handmade gifts from school are wonderful but somehow this year they just didn't make it into our home for the day of celebrating mamahood.

After the kids and Dad went out for awhile, emails ensued and they were off to get the groceries needed for a special Mama's dinner. While they managed as a team to get a gift of some kind (it is still hiding in the aforementioned van as the girl has been in meltdown mode). The grocery store run never happened 'cause the kids were too busy whining and throwing fits over what they were gonna get for themselves (makes a mother proud :-{). The girl miraculously managed to find a way out of her full-throttle tantrum mode, so we shall see what happens from here.

So there you have it. I bought myself a small gift ($5.00 shirt from the resale shop) and I'm considering taking the dog for a long walk, having some chocolate covered sunflower seeds and if things melt down further taking myself alone to a free movie (we've got some coupons we've been meaning to use). Happy Mama's Day Indeed!

Now if we think about it, no doubt our parental celebration days are just the same as the other biggies for the rest of the world... there are regular articles written on how to handle the letdown which often accompanies the winter holiday season - so why not Mother's or even Father's Day? And like every other holiday and its accompanying expectations, sometimes it's gonna feel just like a Hallmark Card commercial and sometimes more like a day in the bottom of Oscar the Grouch's trash can -- true to the nature of parenthood.

Here's hoping Mother's Day treated you well today ... and if not, remember that tomorrow is another day.

No Fair - Really!

For all of us oldest siblings (that's me above, oldest on the left) who love our younger sibs (that's my baby bro above, youngest on the right) but have always felt we were somehow treated less fairly... we finally have scientific proof (we were right all along)! Hmpf!

Now for those of us who have our own kids, are we doing the same thing to our young ones or have we somehow bucked this national trend? Is our oldest showing signs of being the more responsible one (if they have any brothers or sisters) or not? Mine currently is, but will it continue?

Were you a 1st born or a younger sib? How did it play out for you as a sibling and/or a parent?

Thankful Thursday

Thankful this Thursday for:

• May Day Flowers
• Great Teachers
• Iced coffee
• Hummingbirds
• A few good possible job leads
• Rescue Remedy and Calms Forte
• Great parents in our school communities
• The chance every new day represents to improve
• Ice cream
• A good camera

What I Want Wednesday

To be honest, what I want these days is pretty much irrelevant -- or at least it seems that say.

Too often for mothers, I think this is true or they feel it is. The sports leagues for the kids, the school things that need to happen, the career stuff for the significant other ... usually come first. I could probably write pages and pages on this no doubt but for now I just don't have it in me.

It's already Tuesday

Yesterday was Manic (as expected) dealing with the bureaucracy which is the public school district.

Today is indeed Tuesday, but will it be Terrific - hard to say? We do know that:

1. The girl was accepted into our school of choice (although she's clearly not ready to deal with kindergarten yet -- there's more preschool to be had),
2. The boy is finally going to get some support around sensory issues and see if it helps,
3. I'm theoretically lucky to have so many skills I can hopefully utilize to make some extra income, including copywriting (press releases, band bios, etc.), layout work (brochures, newsletters), administrative skills (typing or data entry anyone?) and of course photography (especially affordable kid portraits but other things too... a friend and I once did a little real estate work -- photographed the outside of a house)!
   

With recession being debated daily, gas/grocery prices rising and the summer (sans school) looming in the not-too-distant future, what is making your household or life either manic or terrific?

Pick of the litter

ReSolution Sunday

This week I resolve to:

• Stop and smell the roses (or watch the hummingbirds in our yard),
• Begin implementing the ideas from the Spirited Child book we read,
• Keep reading the cognitive behavioral therapy book I picked up,
• Exercise occasionally (I did a long walk the other day),
• Keep up with the naturopathic remedies I've begun,
• Look further into a website so I can get freelance administrative work such as resumes, papers, bios, newsletters, brochures, press releases, photography and the like.

And you?

Superficial Saturday

Well I can't think of much superficial to say this morning (boy that is a surprise). Let's see ... another swig of iced coffee... and here's what I come up with:

• I really don't care if Paris Hilton is in love,
• Patrick Dempsey is cute,
• Will I ever lose those last 10 pounds?,
• I was at the store yesterday and actually noticed that none of the kids there were at all cute -- not very like me,
• Sometimes I do wish I had more money for cool clothes and accessories (although often they would be reused),
• I wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini these days,
• I'm certain I need some sort of a wax,
• ________________________________________________

Please add your sip of superficiality for today
here:

________________________________________________

________________________________________________

Find the Time Friday

For now my pre-coffee brain says I'm going to try to find the time for the following today or in the next few:

• Have an appointment with a naturopath,
• Pick up some books at the library and read a couple others I've got,
• Refine our plan for dealing with the girl prone to tantrums (and prepare for backlash),
• Clean something (the office, bathroom most likely filthy candidates),
• Watch "Juno",
• Either attend one of my last preschool meetings or babysit there,
• Look for a borrow-able or keep-able gerbil with cage and especially wheel for boy's awesome school environmental science project wherein he wants a gerbil running on a wheel to power a kid's nightlight,
• Blog!

I'm not even gonna mention larger potential goals cause I'm just not capable right now but hopefully soon I can add things like exercise and actually mean it and do it! Anyone in Portland want to be my exercise buddy - keeping in mind it cannot include any programs (sorry Michelle) that cost money and that I'm really not in shape at this point even though I used to run tons every day during college!

Thankful Thursday

Thankfulness I think in some ways is always there just harder to say out loud. Of course I am thankful for so many things but as a parent when things aren't going all that well or the rough patches are having to be lived through and smoothed out over a period of time and you wish you could just snap your fingers and be your perfect 50's TV family (updated to fit the times of course), the words don't come easily.

I for one am NOT Tabitha and cannot just wiggle my nose and make magic happen but I can keep plodding along as us parental types do and keep working to find and do the best for our families. If you are a parent or a mama out there struggling to do your best with a spirited child, with a special needs child, with depression or just the every day struggles, please hang in there and know that you are not alone.

I've got to go to work right now but I'll try to list some more resources and I hope you will pass these along on to any Mama or parent who might need a little extra help. Let them know that they are not alone. Today maybe we can be thankful for being able to help others who need our understanding and support.

What I'd Like Wednesday

It is Wednesday and here is what I'd like:

• Clarity about the future (or at least part of it),
• A boy with no more cold symptoms,
• A girl comfortable with the new status quo,
• One of those machines like on the Jetson's where it wakes you up, gets you out of bed, washes and dresses you without any effort on your part (probably good for the kids too),
• More social kid-free time with friends,
• Good news about our positive impact on the earth,
• A personal direction for fulfillment,
• The energy, ability and desire to exercise as if I was running in a marathon,
• To never ever have my neural pathways connect in the same old way and come out as depression again.

Terrific Tuesday

I'm not sure I'd call it terrific this week but there's almost always something good you can find even in the muck... so what's good right now (I think terrific would be pushing it) is:

• That it's Tuesday (as in not yesterday during the 2-hour tantrum of the girl),
• Having created jars for each kid to fill with marbles for good behavior,
• Having 2 parents at home to help even though not under the best circumstances,
• Having kids who LOVE books,
• Playing ENYA at night while the kids fall asleep.

That's what I've got - what about you?

Manic Monday

Monday, monday...

What is making my life feel manic right now:

• earache,
• sore throat,
• trying to live with strong-willed girl without the proper methods,
• wondering whether the "last lecture" author or anyone like him would be so "tigger-ish" if they struggled with depression, anxiety or the like,
• figuring out my future.

Resolution Sunday

Well Resolution Sunday came and went. I meant to mention that frankly despite a long list of things I'd like to change about myself and my life, right now I just don't think I have it in me to successfully complete any resolution. Sad but true. Right now I'm fighting off some cold that comes with a sore throat, painful swallowing (no - not strep) and a nasty earache on one side. I honestly don't feel motivated to do more than get through the day, sleep as much as I can and think about homeopathic remedies (oh and read my latest parenting purchase: "Setting Limits with your Strong-Willed Child."). Well... I guess that is my resolution - finish the book and then start trying to use it's methods.

And in honor of my strong-willed girl and all those like her:

Strong-willed children are not part of some conspiracy to make life difficult for others. They just do what strong-willed children do. They test harder and more often, resist longer, protest louder, use more drama, and carry things further than most of us would ever imagine. They're movers and shakers, powerful kids who bring out strong reactions in others."

Superficial Saturday

I'm turning today into Random Thoughts Saturday cause I can't manage to muster much else this morning.

I wanted to have folks vote on which photo/s to send into this tulip farm contest but I haven't figured it out yet so that's out for this a.m.

Random thoughts:

• My ear/throat hurt,
• I might take pics at the farm ball game,
• I really wonder what to do with the rest of my life (besides raise my family of course),
• I want a real vacation,
• I can't wait for my hair to grow out,
• Should I be a teacher?
• Why did God (or whatever) bless me with 2 spirited children (must be a lesson there),
• If we didn't have a cat, we could be playing with 3 cute chicks right now,
• I hope my haircut doesn't make me look stupid (or older),
• I'm hungry,
• Even if it does snow today, I'd rather have warm weather,
• I WANT THE SCHOOL LOTTERY PAPERWORK SAYING " YOU ARE IN SES!"
• I do have good friends.
• This weekend we have a farm ball game, I have a haircut, a boy play date tomorrow and a chilly family hike.
• I read "The Namesake" and really liked it. So far partway in, I'm not so big on the movie.
• Has anyone seen "There Will Be Blood" or "Juno"? I want to see them both - hear they are good.
• Gotta drink coffee, have something for breakfast and put on clothes.

Have a great weekend and feel free to share whatever superficial, random or meaningful thoughts you are having today.

Find the Time Friday

Maybe I should have made this post title "Forget About It Friday" so that then I could list all the things I'd said I was going to do during the week and summarily list which ones never happened.

For now my pre-coffee brain says I'm going to try to find the time for the following today:

• Work on a brochure at work,
• Finally get to the bank (been trying for several days),
• Call someone (to help us work through these girly tantrums and give us a few tips).

And this weekend:

• Laundry (get 'em out of the clean clothes pile and into the drawers where they belong),
• Clean, clean, clean,
• Take the kids to our local science museum for a fun, free sustainability event,
• Facilitate a play date with the boy and his friend we've been trying to do for awhile,
• Enjoy a family hike even if it is cold (which it likely will be).

Here's hoping your Friday and weekend are filled with fun activities.

Thankful Thursday

I know I have lots to be thankful for, but I'm just not feeling it right now. Maybe next week.

Tulips & Tears

TULIPS:
I'm loving tulips lately. Could be that recent trip to the tulip farm I expect. Glad I managed to get some pictures that day. Now I just need to submit 4 for a possible contest and deal with it whether I win or more likely lose. Just submitting is a step forward for me. I don't really even care about the prizes (I wish they were cash) but they are gift certificates at a local photo store.

TEARS:
A friend recently sent around one of those "change to your answer" kind of chain thingies. In this one you had to answer a series of questions about yourself but you could only use one word per answer - tricky. I just realized that everyone who sent one back to me could name a recent day of the week that they had cried, including me. What's up with all this crying?" I'm thinking to myself as I sit here trying to hold back tears. Hmmm. Something going on in the universe right now or maybe just proof that yes indeed "Big Girls Do Cry!"

What I'd Like Wednesday

Well it has been a week since last Wednesday and not much has changed on my "wish list" (you can check it out here).

This week I'm going to go the more realistic approach:

It's Wednesday and here's what I'd like:

• A delicious farm-like breakfast I don't have to cook,
• All the laundry clean and put away (without me having to do it),
• Some new clothes,
• A hair cut,
• The ability to drink coffee without getting edgy (o.k. so it's not that realistic),
• Someone calling my hubby for a job interview (Hello... Legacy Health System are you listening?),
• Not to have to get up at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow,
• A dry evening so it will be GAME ON!
• The will to exercise,
• One or more writing gigs (telecommuting) to bring in some extra cash while enjoying myself,
• A neck that isn't sore.
  

What would make your week this Wednesday?

Terrific Tuesday

I think as a parent it is all too often easier to see what isn't working rather than what is but I'm giving it my best shot.

When I try to think of things that are "working" in terms of parenting and our household, I feel a bit like I'm channeling "Super Nanny" at one of her parent meetings, while she plays back what's been happening while she's away. There's inevitably a couple of good heart-warming moments, and then usually the moment of truth, the uh-oh, the "there's what we need to work on" clip.

And speaking of Super Nanny. I still love her although I notice either she's getting more confrontational or her staff is recruiting people and coaching so that the situation arises more frequently - makes for good TV and ratings I'm expecting. Good thing the kids are usually not in the room. Also speaking of JoJo, after the last episode with the laughing mother, there are a couple of things I want to try... sounds silly but we've been working on dinner time rules and table manners and I just might make the goofy looking paper flower centerpiece that outlines what you can and cannot do while eating a family meal. A recent episode (or several no doubt as she tends to use the same techniques over and over in differing forms) featured a reward system based on putting things into a bucket or bottle or some such thing for good behavior and taking them out only for really bad, thereby putting the focus squarely on all things good in the behavioral realm. Since it is easy for our girl to get caught up in a spiraling tantrum/anger/bad behavior spiral, I thought this one is probably worth a try but now I can't find it on Super Nanny's website - hmph.

Back to terrific:

• Catching my own moods and squelching them can often stop an impending storm,
• Challenging (or sneakily moving them in the direction) to work as a team,
• Being as calm and repetitive as I can be with the girlie,
• Explaining calmly and rationally (when the wee ones can be calm and rational) why we do what we do or why we ask that they do them too,
• Allowing them to be part of the conversation and the solution whenever feasible (especially older boy).
• Demonstrating for the kids just how to do some things themselves that they want us to do for them (this one is hit and miss but any hits are good)!

And so that is what is working (at least partially) terrifically around these parts, but unlike Super Nanny, I'm going to turn off the DVD player now and leave the bad times for another time.

If you are a parent of young ones, what really seems to support them in behaving well?